Before my husband and I got married and were courting, all I use to think was "wow, this guy has got it all together". He was a hard worker with a good job, check. He had a vision for the future, double check. He is a man of God..that did it for me. I knew from then on and for the rest of my life, he would be able to love me, take care of me and most of all fill up the voids I was dealing with inside. But that way of thinking completely changed after we were married. He had flaws. There was friction between us--and there still is at times-- and the voids I had were still there-- not filled. Nothing really changed. Our closeness became more intimate but that was pretty much it. Nothing really changed. I still felt lonely. I still felt insecure. Believe it or not, I didn't feel loved. It's not that it wasn't being expressed or shown to me. Thats wasn't the issue. It was the condition of my heart that was broken..it was the baggage I carried in with me that confused me and blinded me.
Here I was thinking all my personal issues would be solved. He was going to be all I needed. My expectations were so high that each time he failed to meet them, I was disappointed, hurt and even more confused. I almost couldn't trust him anymore. It added more to my insecurities because now I began to think "he doesn't love me." "He doesn't care about me." "I don't mean anything to him". " I'm worthless". Little did I know, Jesus was already working behind the scenes of it all. In the midst of everything..He helped me to see that the problem wasn't really with my husband...it was with me. I was so focussed on him and what he can do for me than on God and what He has done for me. I was pointing at him with one finger, while three fingers were pointed right back at me. I was trying to make someone just as imperfect as I was MAKE ME WHOLE. God was teaching me that only He can do that. Only He can mens my broken heart and make me whole. That was the problem. Did I love God? Yes. Did I have a relationship with Him? Yes. I just didn't understand what place He should have in my life. I didn't give Him room to do what only He can do. I didn't trust Him enough to do the work He already started. Psalm 118:8 My insecurities and past hurts put a huge strain on our relationship. I began to see my husband through the mirror of the baggage I was holding on to and that made me MISERABLE. YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO ENJOY WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU. It's so important for a woman to find herself not in anything else but in Christ alone. Before she can give herself to any man, Christ must reign over her life. If your relationship with God is not solid-- not perfect-- but firm in Him.. don't expect to have a fruitful relationship with someone else. You have to know who you are in Christ. You have to know you are beautiful before anyone else tells you "YOU ARE". You have to know what you stand for and who you stand for. Do you know how to pray and seek God when things are tough? Matt 6:33 Ladies, after 4 years of marriage I have learned A LOT! And i am still learning..God has done so much in mt life amd He can do the same in yours.. if you let Him. If you give Him thay place in your life. To the woman in a relationship right now seek God for yourself and your relationship to that man. Be sure He is first in your life and be sure He is at the center of your relationship. Seek His will for your relationship. To the woman who is already married...pray for your heart..that you are always following Him and what He wants you to be for your relationship to your suppose. Pray for your spouse and his relationship to Christ. (How we are in our relationship with Christ will affect how we are towards each other)..for the person who is still single..oh what a sweet and precious time it is for you...grow sis..make Jesus the love of your life..know who you are in Him..know who you are as a woman..learn to pray and seek Jesus..the man God sends you will need a woman who can pray for him. Be still. God will send you that right man and when He comes you will appreciate the times you had when it was just you and Jesus. He will equip you. I guarantee it.
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November 2020
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